Happy Equinox, dear human!
Here in the Northern Hemisphere in the wee hours of the night we crossed the demarcation line into Autumn.
The time of letting go, releasing has officially begun.
Those of you in the Southern Hemisphere are joyfully welcoming Spring! The time of renewal. When the natural world begins to seemingly awaken all at once and the race toward new growth and expansion wildly pushes forth.
During the Equinoxes and Solstices the Earth’s magnetic energy measurably increases.
The Earth herself responds with heightened energy during these important turnings of the season.
Equinox is the still point between the lengthening of daylight or the dark of night – depending on which side of the circular path we are headed.
Every year as Autumn whispers its imminent arrival and the signs that Summer is fading I begin to feel a tug of sadness.
Grief begins to sneak up on me and tug at my sleeve in the midst of my delicious enjoyment of Summer’s bountiful and lush display as August arrives.
Every. Single. Year.
The riotous party is almost over! An ancient awareness in my bones and blood begins to broadcast that knowing into my conscious awareness.
The blossoms that stood so perfect and straight in the sunflower garden begin to topple as the weight of the seeds overwhelm the waning vitality of the stalk.
The leaves begin to shift steadily from green to gold. Yellow to orange.
And then one day vibrant reds arrive here and there and leaves begin to dance and swirl in the winds as they coat the ground in a rich blanket that will decompose to nourish the soil and support renewal.
The River flows at it’s lowest point and the lake shores are vast.
Grief catches me unaware in the oddest moments!
As I looked at my weather app this morning I realized that very soon I will not be checking Hamilton Montana’s mountain weather but that of a large unfamiliar town in the Southeast.
The sobs bubble up and the lifewater – aka tears – roll down my cheeks and drop one by one onto my chest.
I realize this is the first time in many years I have left a place I have loved so dearly. Perhaps since I was 15 and my mother upended my life just before the demarcation line of spinal surgery ended my youth and she sold my familiar childhood home for fancier and flashier across the freeway in Southern California.
I love it here. I love the people. The Land. The Mountains. The River. The plants. The air. The big skies.
The family I have come to know as I’ve witnessed their daily life in all its joyful messiness in my front yard.
This is the place where I have come fully home to myself.
Where I have for the very first time in my life felt utterly and completely safe in my own home. Where fear gave way to deep internal rest.
Where I have matured and healed. Completed an enormous unravelling and fully and completely filled myself up with my Self.
Completed sooo much.
Come back to life after death.
Mourned the death of three of my siblings, including my two dear sisters, leaving me the current keeper of the lineage.
This is the place where I have fallen in love with, conversed for hours upon hours and bonded deeply with the most extraordinary beloved man. A man I know with certainty I will spend the rest of this life laughing, growing, playing, learning and hanging out with.
This is a miraculous event indeed.
This was worth waiting lifetimes for.
This is the place where I made love for the first time in nearly a decade and tasted pleasure in a way I had only ever imagined.
Where I lived gloriously and joyously beside a forest of Sunflowers for two summers, communicating with many kinds of pollinators, birds and critters – including a moose!
Here is where I enjoyed the most amazing clean, vital, life-giving and lovingly raised food that I gratefully procured from the vegetable farmers, chicken tenders and dairy farmers themselves here in this valley.
Had almost weekly lunches with my dear, dear oldest friend who happens to live down the road a piece from here. The one who knows all the family secrets and had actual conversations and a relationship with every one of my now transitioned family members.
And almost weekly dinners in the big city of Missoula with my newest dear, dear friend who I met on the plane right after I moved here and who shares a first name with me.
This is where I met amazing, strong, generative, courageous and luminous women making a difference in the world around them.
Where the human who stuck needles in me, plied my body with magic herbs to support my body’s healing and was always curious, open and even on some level got my otherworldly experiences that affect my physicality – in turn fascinated, delighted, informed and brought me to laughter. Every single time I saw him.
This is where I truly thrived and began to fully regain my health.
The tears are still rolling down my cheeks. My breath still hitching as I write this.
The Autumn sun shines, softly diffused through the curtains in my tiny bedroom where I sit propped against the headboard of the bed in the wee furnished cottage I have called home for the last two years. The floor heater is going full blast for the first time since April.
Tomorrow, I leave for Georgia.
Those five words have enormous import for me.
Tomorrow, I leave for Georgia.
As of Monday my business scheduler will forever be on Eastern Time, even though I will be back here for a final few weeks in November.
An as yet undiscovered new home awaits me.
A town of 60,000 vs 8,000 will be the new adventure of discovery.
Big cities, bright lights and hustling humans vs wide expanses of sky, stars and soaring mountains will be the new as yet uncharted landscape.
My entire being is on board with this.
There is not one bit of me saying no.
This change – it is soooo life affirming and generative.
The possibilities are enormous and everything keeps lining up. The Universe is fully on board. The signs and synchronicities keep coming, showing me the path is true.
These are my dreams and most heartfelt prayers coming to fruition in every way possible.
And still. Yet. There is loss.
As my wise friend who shares my same name reminded me – every time there is change, there is loss.
And where there is loss – there is grief. No matter how positive the change. Grief – she bubbles up.
So I welcome the tears. The recognition that something precious and beautiful is being left behind.
That the season is shifting and I am being asked, required to let go. To release what has been attained.
To allow all things to become fallow for a time in preparation for the new foundation to manifest on its own in beautiful right timing. To rise from the barren landscape.
A strong new underpinning that will support rebirth. New life. New expansion of both personal identity and horizons.
This is the way of Nature. This is the cycle of Life. This is the transformative process.
Sweetest Autumn to you, lovely one!
PS… along with the increase in the Earth’s magnetics there have been some mighty big solar rays waves coming our way the last several days creating physical discomfort and heightened emotions.
Lots of changes are happening in the unseen affecting the human experience and the foundations of every day life.
Hang on and let go, Buttercup!
Join me for more info about the shifts and the changes and how to surf them on October 24.
And this wee Energy Transmission was designed specifically for magnetic fluctuations in the Earth and the Solar squeeze.
Perhaps you may find it useful.