I had no idea what to expect.
I did not know a single person there.
I’d never ever been there before.
Yep! Exhilaration and terror hand in hand – that leap into the unknown.
This past week I once again crossed the threshold into the unknown. Something that I mostly love to do.
Something I find both exhilarating and terrifying all at once.
I believe this leaping into the unknown to be the truly creative edge of a well lived human life. This is where we are each able to stretch and open more deeply into who and what we most long to be and become. Where we discover new depths, hidden places and as yet undiscovered gifts in our own mysterious psyche. This is the place where each of us continually births ourselves into being.
Experiencing desire – the yearning for something more than what you already have or know in this moment – is where the journey begins.
Desire is the seed that longs to fulfill its potential.
What follows next is feeling the discomfort of staying where you. The squirmy under the surface dissatisfaction gets louder and noisier until whatever fear is enfolding you in your comfort zone is finally outweighed by the river of your desire.
This is when you make the absolutely necessary leap into the unknown to move toward it. You walk across the threshold into the unfamiliar.
This is the part where for me it gets most interesting for this very reason – I truly have no idea what will happen or where exactly it will take me.
I just know – it’s time to go.
As my business has evolved over the last few years I’ve been increasingly challenged to communicate about my work in a clear way – online.
To speak in a way that the folks who are ready for, and want what I have to offer are able to connect to, know and discern that. To communicate in a way that is honest, has integrity, compassion and respect for all concerned. To communicate authentically in a way that is aligned to my values.
This has become a deep and burning desire for me.
In my quest to do that I discovered Stella Orange. I listened to who she is and what she had to say. It resonated with me. Her message gave me hope. I felt my desire connect with what she was offering and said a delighted, “Yes” to attending One Story this past weekend in Cincinnati.
I had no idea what to expect.
I did not know a single person there.
I’d never been to Cincinnati before.
Yep! Exhilaration and terror hand in hand – that leap into the unknown.
I knew I was on the right track soon after we all met up on Friday morning. Our assignment – in whatever individualized way we chose to do it – was to listen to, participate in and look for the stories around us as we travelled through the day.
Over the course of two and a half days – we met. We played. We shared. We collaborated. We went deeper.
There was love, connection and respect.
Deep listening, honesty and beauty.
We looked at the stories we tell – to ourselves, to our clients, to the world.
For me there were moments of expansion. Ideas, understandings, missing pieces and revelations coming fast and furious.
And…
There were moments of total collapse in on myself. Times of coming face to face with myself in ways deeper than I had previously. Many of them.
Like the awful realization three-quarters of the way through the event – that I was still hiding. Not totally owning who I am and the brilliance of what I do. Damn it! OK. Good to know. Starting over.
Now what?
The exciting expansion and revelation toward the very end that I was already and irrevocably connected to the essence of One Story. That telling powerful stories is in my bones, my blood, my Soul. It is who I am. It is one of the powerful ways I help people call themselves back to themselves. I can do this thing!
Or the tearful collapse and realization that still buried in a dark underground corner of myself – I felt lingering shame about my own story. Oh, I really thought I was over that already! I so wanted to be. Just like the hiding that went hand in hand with this understanding.
And then the profound understanding, expansion and reframe – that all of the events that left me feeling shame, or wanting to furiously stow the most raggedy bits of me far away – were simply the tests that kept redirecting me along the way. They were the adventures that I passed through on my own epic journey to understanding my Wholeness.
I broadened into a wider understanding that each of these events has supported me in opening to the bigger, fuller, more expansive life I am living – today. One that is more satisfying, exciting and delighted-filled as time passes.
Not just the sweet and made for public parts. ALL of it is golden treasure – including the tests.
And the only monsters between me and the treasure – which is the life I continue to live into – the one I used to pray and hope was possible and now know is mine – are in my mind.
The monsters are the limiting stories I tell myself and then momentarily believe. The deeply ingrained patterns of playing small to not threaten anyone else.
Of hiding to stay safe.
Of thinking I was somehow diminished or not enough and other similar fairy tales I have been shown or told by others along the way.
Expansion and contraction. Expansion and contraction.
Each time getting a bit larger and more cohesive in the process.
Each time seeing with wiser eyes that the collapse in on myself is simply a part of the journey. A necessary and essential part of the natural rhythm of Life – of being a fully realized human.
Like breathing.
Like a galaxy births itself – this is the epic story that I am standing firmly in the center of.
That I am the hero of.
The epic story of the hero you are.
