Sometimes Kicking and Screaming…

In Celebration, Courage, Soul by Melani Marx

Hello lovely and amazing human!

From this human’s heart to yours…

I am sending sooo much love and gratitude your way on this cold and dreary Winter day.

Happy New Year blessings! The Gregorian one as well as the Lunar New Year fast approaching that will bring us into the Year of the Dragon. 

As one calendar year has flipped the page to another, I have been taking some time to settle.

To tend.

To allow the layers to rearrange themselves within my being. 

2023 was an enormously extraordinary year for this human. My sense is it was for most every human on planet Earth!

For myself, much of the inner work as well as long, closely held prayers and heartfelt desires came to fruition in the most startling and unexpected of ways as the year progressed. 

I am sharing a bit of this with you as it may possibly resonate, inspire, encourage. 

This is, after all, a Missive from the Heroine’s Journey – A journey of Initiation and Awakening – one in which outer circumstances may catapult one into a most worthwhile and transformative inner adventure. 

It has became quite apparent to me that not just a chapter – an entire volume of this thing we call a life has come to completion. 

A volume hand-written in Love, holding sparks of joy, fulfillment, achievement hand in hand with great difficulty, heartbreak and often excruciating challenges.  

As is the way of things for many of us humans – the majority of these challenges, especially those experienced during the early years that solidified into unconscious patterned ways of being based on survival, were mostly repressed and left unexpressed when experienced. 

Difficult experiences that have always – in hindsight – been the exact and perfect “poison” to transmute those painful and confusing experiences into healing “medicine”. 

Incidents that kept the healing momentum going along this human’s Heroine’s Journey. 

The volume that has recently come to a close has been one of striving, digging deep, pushing through veritable mountains over eons. 

This inner journey was kindled and set aflame by the immense and inescapable pain, chaos and bondage that was my inner and interpersonal experience – particularly highlighted in family of origin and romantic connections. 

I deeply devoted myself to healing personal and ancestral karma, liberating repressed trauma, acknowledging what actually happened. 

Learning to be present with whatever is and was. 

I dedicated myself to unwinding, transmuting and transforming everything that was and is – not who I truly am – a spark of Divinity expressing in a human body.

Beliefs about Place. Identity. Worth. Value.

Beliefs that have been the scaffolding of my life. Including the upending of all my beliefs about the very nature of reality and Life itself.

Each and all were examined in ever finer and deeper layers.

A deep dive was conducted into the inner Shadowy Realms.

I lived through several Dark Nights.

I’ve come to a larger understanding of the nature of the psyche – my own and in broader terms.

I have a greater awareness of what fueled the chaos and compulsions. What ran the show.

Unconsciously compelled me to attract, engage with, repeat those relationship and life patterns that kept me off balance, uncertain and unable to access lasting joy and happiness.

I learned over time and with devotion and steadfastness to be kind and gentle with myself.

With all of the young aspects that had been unheard and unreceived as a child. An adolescent. A young adult. A mother. Lover. Wife.

I began to endeavor to hold unconditionality and compassion for myself. For all of the experiences that engendered shame, self-judgement, self-recrimination.

I learned to listen deeply. 

To Silence. To my body. To the flow of emotions moving through me. 

To my intuitive knowing. To the wise internal guidance available, when I got quiet. 

To the Land. To Nature. The Elementals. The Unseen.  

I journaled and played with art supplies to converse with and access various aspects of self. 

I sang. I prayed. I used my voice. 

I acted on the inner directives I received. 

I took so, so many leaps of faith. 

I traveled. I stayed still. 

I learned to utilize every single thing – pleasant or not – as gift and healing balm for the Soul. Sometimes kicking and screaming. 

I learned to Trust. 

Life. The Universe. Creative flow. 

My intuition. 

And most importantly myself. 

Trust took root and settled internally. 

Happiness. Contentment. Peace. Joy. Equanimity. Purpose. Inner satisfaction. These became more and more frequent guests in the inner house of my daily experience. 

The unexpected wildcard of this life sojourn came in April of 2020 with what I have come to call the “Event”.

The “Event” quite literally stopped me in my tracks and precipitated an even deeper and more concentrated unwinding that consumed the following three years in places remote, quiet and solitary. 

During this time bitterness as defense fell away.

My heart healed.

I completely and irrevocably fell in love with myself, with Life and with the other humans I share this exquisitely beautiful planet with.

Three weeks after the three year anniversary of this extraordinary and life altering “Event”, just as I completed filling myself up with mySelf and was finally ready to move out into the world once again…

I unexpectedly met Mr Georgia at an intimate training in the NE corner of Georgia nestled in the Blueridge mountains. 

Mr Georgia and I seemingly stepped out of time and space and began, or quite possibly resumed a very deep – and as the Vedic astrologer I’ve worked with for more than three decades called it – profound conversation and rather magical relationship. 

In December I, with the excellent and loving help of my very capable son and the wonderful Mr Georgia, gathered all of my belongings and moved from a small town in western Montana to the Atlanta metro area to reside for the next few years. 

As I’ve been unpacking and sorting.

As I’ve been allowing this enormous tidal change to work with me – geographical, relational, internal and external – it has become deeply apparent that time and space is wanted. Needed. Required at this time. 

Time for deep generative self care. 

Time to slooooow way down.

Time to rest after sooo much active busy-ness. 

Time to acknowledge, celebrate and integrate. 

Time to deliciously settle into the rhythm of life with Mr Georgia. 

Time to settle into Winter and allow the natural fallowness of the season to do its work. Allowing the roots, underground to spread  in support and as foundation for the new growth of Spring.

Time to catch up to and with myself. 

Time to allow the enormous transformative energies at play to fully work with the deepest soil of my being. 

Time to gather myself into myself and dream. 

Write. Play with paint, needle, thread, paper. 

To allow whatever is ready to fall away to do so with love, gratitude and grace…

… making way for what is just under the surface patiently waiting to be known. Shared. Expressed. 

Time to get quiet so I may deeply listen. Hear. 

There are new ways of being of service that have been making themselves known to me. Bubbling to the surface. I intend to have a good sit down, a cup of tea with them and allow them to inform me. 

All of this is a very long winded, story-teller way of saying – 

I am taking a break. Setting everything down. Not accepting new appointments. 

If you are already on my schedule. You are golden. I’ve still got you.

If you are in the midst of receiving the series of DNA activations and ready for the next one, you are also golden. All those scheduling links still work.

If it’s an emergency – you know I’ll respond. 

I’ll be back along about the Equinox. 

Spring in the Northern Hemisphere. My personal New Year. 

When ice has released its tight grip on the land, snow has begun to melt and the rivers are flowing with ease once again.

My entire being relaxes as I write this. This is how I know it is true.

The body never lies. 

I’ll see you then, dear human. 

In the meantime – Take the sweetest, most loving care of the most important human in your life – you. 

A few last words…. 

Dear one – those things that you are being asked to let go of?

They are not you. They are not who you are.

You have simply outgrown them.

They belong to another season.

 Another time.

Open your hands and permit them to fall away.

Allow what is falling away be the compost for the next turning. 

Have faith.

New birth is just underneath waiting to emerge and flourish.

Like the seeds that sprout and the buds that burst into leaf come Spring – new life is on its way for the new version of you that is emerging.

It has its own wisdom.

Its own new rhythm.

Its own wise intelligence as does Nature.  

Can you allow yourself to breathe and simply allow?