Sometimes Grace…
As I sit here surrounded by to do lists. Paper piles of things to accomplish. Things to sort. Put away. Discard. Pack up and cart forward.
Journals. Slips of paper. Colored pencils. Pens. Glue sticks.
Intentions. Shoulds. Ought to’s.
The flotsam and jetsam of a working traveler’s life.
It suddenly comes to me in a flood of joy and relief – NONE of this has anything to do with my intrinsic worth.
As a human. A soul. A woman.
I am enough, exactly as I am in this very moment.
Still in my nightgown late in the day. Surrounded by all the above in a town far away from home, the sounds of the
A hi-school marching band
A woman imploring her cat to “let go of that bird!”
A jet
Rain falling on leaves.
And this revelation lands in my belly. Startling me with joy.
I drop more fully into my body. I fill my self up in a new way.
Some ever present but undefinable stretching ahead of myself I’ve always felt. Ground I’ve walked on. Accepted. Struggled with. Fought against. Puzzled over. Prayed over. Questioned. Worked on. Asked for release from – has suddenly and inexplicably, though very palpably – simply let go.
And a calm, present joyous space has opened up inside me instead.
I sit in wonder at this.
I do not know if some mystical nickel has finally dropped, some planetary shift happened in an instant, or if accumulated lifetimes of work have finally culminated to bring this visceral knowing in this particular instant.
Lifetimes of push. Pull. Worry. Concern. Struggle to do, to be – the right, the best – has simply vanished. Leaving me curious, grateful and deeply aware that I was never truly cognizant of how thoroughly this belief in not enough ran through every single breath.
I do not know if this is a momentary thing or something more permanent.
I do not know if I will carry this forward with me, this ease in my being – or if tomorrow morning I will awaken unremembering.
It does not matter.
In this moment I know. With every fiber and particle of my being that worthiness is a no-thing. We already are. I already am.
There is not one more thing I need to do.
To say.
To reach for – to earn it. Prove it. Get it.
I am it.
No song to sing. Incantation to speak. Word to glue into place in my journal. No right way to hold my mouth or eat, or pray, or show up. No correct choice to make.
I. Am. Already, irrevocably, incandescently – Enough.
In quiet joy. In this ordinary moment I breathe this in and know….
I am in the presence of the miraculous.
May you experience your own enoughness singing throughout your veins, informing your every particle!
May you know with every heart beat this quiet miracle of intrinsic worth and everyday holiness.
Because we simply are. Always.
Enough.
See what marvelous and amazing wonders are showing up along my path as I travel…
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