A Most Clarifying Moment

In Celebration, Courage, Tools by Melani Marx

Hello there, lovely and amazing human!

Thank you for being here on planet Earth. I am so glad you are. 

I am going to tell you a wee story today… 

Once upon a time there was a beautiful young woman walking through her life. She grew up believing and being shown in a myriad of ways that other’s needs were more important than her own so she was always making sure everyone around her were getting theirs met. 

She had to grow up quickly because of circumstances in her home and become very independent and self-sufficient. 

This felt very normal to her. 

She was courteous. She was kind. She was strong. She was resilient. She had a gift for seeing what other’s needed including her children, her coworkers, clients and employers and she took care of them. She anticipated and met their needs without being asked.  

She worked hard, was quite good at her work and carried a lot of responsibility on her shoulders. 

One day she found herself in a marriage to a man that she believed she loved and would spend the rest of her life with. 

As time went on they began to have problems and she found herself deeply unhappy. Her husband blamed all of their problems on her anger. 

She found this puzzling because she’d never felt all that much anger in her life before then. She had always experienced way more fear and sadness than anger in response to life. 

One day she and her husband were on her favorite island getting ready to walk into one of her very favorite places. As they were walking in all of a sudden she felt sooo incredibly angry! 

In that moment she took a step back and thought… wait! What just happened? One moment she was happy, feeling the Sun and enjoying herself and the next?! 

She took another step back and in her mind retraced the morning up until now. 

In that moment she looked at her husband and realized that this was not even her anger! Holy cats! It was his. 

This was what you would call a clarifying moment for her.

She began to wonder about this and pay closer and closer attention to her energy as she moved through the world.  

And, yes. She did, not long after that end the marriage. 

Later she heard of something called an empath and realized that she was one. 

What she didn’t discover until much farther down the road was how to work with this awareness in a way that didn’t throw her around or cause her days and weeks of processing emotions that weren’t even hers or feeling the intensity of things in the collective!

 Because, it turns out – you simply CANNOT process someone else’s emotions… they just don’t resolve. It is endless. 

At one point she was so invested in the idea that her needs were less important than others – the legacy of her upbringing – that she actually thought she was helping others and the world by feeling their feelings for them! 

It also, truth be told, made her feel slightly special.

This same lovely woman had three children. They were marvelous teachers for her. 

Here are some things they helped her understand and educated her about – 

Wanting something for someone else more than they want it for themselves. She had a child that struggled fiercely with mental health and addiction issues for a very, very long time. 

Believing you know what someone else needs and gently or not so gently pushing them to move in that direction. 

Wanting someone to do something and using one’s energy to nudge or push them in that direction. 

Believing that most humans, including herself were reclamation projects just wanting and needing to be fixed up. 

All of these ways of being were born of love and compassion, but unknown to her at that point, sent her energy into theirs in a most inappropriate way. 

This entanglement actually created resentment, frustration and miscommunication in these relationships from the constant unconscious merging of energies as well as unconscious expectations. 

Over time she came to believe that each of her children as well as she, herself had a path that was intrinsic to their own Soul.  

And, that, that Soul knew EXACTLY what it was doing – even if SHE thought it looked disastrous. 

She learned to let go. She learned to have faith in other’s choices. She learned to hold space with love and compassion.  

She learned one of the greatest gifts she could give another was to have complete trust in their intrinsic ability to traverse the challenges they had called in for their own unfolding and development of their Soul. 

Each one of her children became fully formed and extraordinary humans. Each one traversing their lives learning the lessons we all learn as we move more and more fully into the recognition of our own intrinsic worth and wholeness.

Any of us humans who were sensitive, aware beings and grew up in chaotic homes, had inattentive parents, and dint get our needs met, most likely have the propensity to do this –

We habitually send our energy out into situations, people, places and things in an unconscious desire to feel safer. To gather information. To feel like we have some power and control over things.

As one client recently put it so succinctly – “I cast a net outside to get info, wanting to be safe.”

We want and need to feel safe

This is human. 

This is natural.

Sometimes in a search to feel safe we become spread out all over the place and unconsciously merge with the hopelessness, grief, fear and terror of mass consciousness. 

Yikes! This one certainly doesn’t help anyone! And. It has a profoundly negative effect on our own energy, our health, our psyche.  

(Pro tip – Leaving ourselves in this way, sending our energy out, actually creates anxiousness in our body and mind!)

We learned to use our energy this way as children. It becomes habit. An unconscious instantaneous response to the world at large.

Unfortunately, we never learned another, more effective way to walk through the world. 

A way that truly does create a greater sense of safety. A way that allows us to rest into ourselves. 

To move though the world with more ease, autonomy and efficacy. 

We never learned how to effectively call our energy back from people places and things.

When we DO learn to truly call ourselves back to ourselves we are then able to utilize our energy for our own healing and whole-ing.  

For being/be-coming all that we truly are.   

For standing in our own sovereignty and more fully expressing what we came here to do.  

For valuing ourselves as precious, worthy, brilliant beings. 

For generously, generatively and lovingly meeting our own needs, which then allows us to set others in appropriate and effective ways. 

This is the journey that the lovely young, very human woman embarked on long ago. The journey of discovery and holy-wholeness, of standing in her intrinsic power and inner authority, being all that she truly is.
The journey she has devoted her life to. 
As you can imagine, she/I learned much along the way.   

I learned and continue to learn and refine effective, simple and reliable tools to work with my own energy. To stay with me. To empower me. To do my work in the world, cleanly and effectively. Tools that grow as I grow.

Those that I have shared these tools with tell me that they are brilliant, life changing and that they really do, indeed work.

Those who’ve known they have boundary issues but have struggled with them suddenly understand in a whole new way and make great strides. 
They tell me they have enriched their lives.  

Been an answer to a prayer. 

Improved their relationships immensely. 

Brought them freedom. 

Helped them heal.  

Allowed them to keep working and supporting themselves.  

Become the foundation of their spiritual practice.  

Helped them to recognize their own Divinity.

And so much more.

I am going to be sharing and teaching these tools again in early September in a safe, intimate, secure and sacred container.  

There will be lots of time to try them on and practice, ask questions, get familiar.  

And unless you feel particularly led there is no need to share your own history. 

This is about a new way of interacting with life. 

This is a transmission by someone who has embodied this knowing, these tools, this way of moving through the world. 

As I write this there are spaces, the doors are open.

This is intimate. Small. Personal.

I would love to have you join me. 

All the information is here.
Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions, especially about whether this is right for you. 

PS – Perhaps if I’d known then what I know now?