I was sitting in a stew of confusion.
The swirl of pros and cons, conflicting desires, jumbled priorities – reaching for the right words to share with others – all of this was creating struggle as I worked on a project near and dear to my heart and Soul – The Autumn turning of One Season.
My body and mind moving from one place to another. And then another. Distracted and restless. Unable to settle. Gain clarity. Move forward.
I felt the heavy pressure of time constraints breathing hotly along the nape of my neck. Squeezing my ribcage. Tightening my lower spine.
A voice of sanity floated through, “This is soooo not the energy I want to carry into this project… or any project!”
So I stopped.
I got quiet and pulled out my BIG journal and turned to a page I had previously painted. One that in this moment the colors spoke to me. Soothed me.
When I gazed at the pages everything relaxed. My belly let go. By breath deepened. My shoulders dropped. My spine loosened as I sat back in my chair and just took in the color and movement on the page.
The wide open and empty expanse. The space. The color.
Then I moved to my big box of images I have collected that evoked a positive response when I first saw them. I sorted through for a moment and quickly grabbed two.
Just two for all this space.
Noticing how good this felt., I placed them where they belonged.
I continued to quietly follow the wordless inspiration and unthinking action of deep listening married to creative flow.
I silently and gently expressed on the page the essence of what was immediate and in the moment. Nothing more.
A few single words. A few phrases about the two images and what they invoked for me.
I sat, looked and reveled in the energy and spaciousness of the spread of these two pages. Simply drinking them in.
Feeling satisfied and quiet. Knowing that something magical had happened.
I let it all go for the day.
This was enough.
The next morning I got up and started in on the project again. I felt the tightening of my belly as a sly whisper of confused crazy started to wind up.
I immediately stopped, grabbed my journal and opened it to the pages from the previous night.
I took them in. The images. The words in silver and gold that held the essence of my project and what it offers to me and those that are and will be a part of it.
And inside the flap of one of the images were these words.
My pen began to fly across the blank page in front of me.
I am letting go of …
The habit of struggle.
Trying to please others.
Pushing, making, forcing.
Tension leaving with every scratch of the pen on the page.
Of getting out ahead of myself.
Of leaving me to see what others want.
Of the old mantra of “I can’t.”
Of anyone else’s energy, ideas, or stories about me or anything that smacks of restriction.
I am calling in…
Remembering to ask for help – seen and unseen.
Support – oh, all the immense support!
Joy and excitement beginning to radiate from my core and fill my heart and belly.
My own inner wisdom and knowing.
The highest possible outcome.
I am gathering resources…
My guides and all the unseen helpers.
My own deep wisdom.
My future self – who has already been where I want to go.
All the words I have already written.
Everything I know about this work. This group. This project.
The stories of the women who have done this work with me.
The people who this will most serve.
I could feel a firm foundation forming. Commitment and confidence settling into my belly. Energy lining up.
Presence. My presence.
All of my tools.
My innate gifts and talents.
All of my experience.
My good courage.
My sense of adventure.
All of the parts of me – Every. Single. One.
My own deep desire to share. To serve. To grow. To play.
Confusion, scattered energy, crazy had all completely given way to flowing forward movement.
The energy was set. My intentions were clear. The flow had already begun.
I share this with you because I want you too to share your own gifts, genius and magnificence with the world.
I share this with you because the simplicity and brilliance of this process blew me away.
I share this with you because it contains the essence of how we move from resistance and confusion into Soul-aligned action that will carry us into the world we most want to create.
So I ask you…
What are YOU letting go of?
What are YOU calling in?
And what are the resources you are gathering for your journey?