These last many weeks –
I’ve missed connecting with you.
I’ve missed the simple ebb and flow, the uncomplicated rhythm of my life as it was wont to habitually unfold.
I’ve missed the routines and regularity, the simple comforts of a “known” life.
I have been hearing the call to leave Ashland – where I have lived for nearly twelve years and head for parts mostly unknown for some time now.
Seven weeks ago I made the decision to sell the home that has been my beautiful refuge and sweet haven for the last decade and leap into the river of major change.
I set a firm and auspicious date three weeks in the future to be on the market. If any of you have ever sold a home you know that is ridiculously fast.
I have regularly been one to rise to any challenge, take on any task, heed the inner call and leap into the unknown, faith in one hand trust in the other. I reckoned this would not be any different. I have lots of practice and much experience under my belt. I can do anything with grace and a smile on my face – right?
As if getting the house on the market wasn’t enough I also in that three week period –
Had two previously planned trips – one by car one by plane.
Am and was deep in the midst of a magical collaboration on a new website for my business.
I entered into a period of constant and deep support of a beloved family member.
All of this along with my regular schedule.
All of this BEFORE the sold sign went up.
Enter the collision of my well laid and detailed plans and Life’s wise unfolding.
Not one single thing turned out as I designed.
At a very rapid and dizzying clip – every single day what I laid out in front of me with intent and deliberation unraveled, came apart and reorganized itself – over and over and over and over again.
Some of the people I counted on didn’t show up. Unexpected help arrived out of the blue. Things that repeatedly didn’t or couldn’t come to completion – actually and honestly at the close of the day – did not really need to. They got left behind like detritus in the swift moving river along the way. Both planned trips ultimately got canceled – for very different reasons.
My house sold in five whirlwind days. Ten days later after nonstop inspections and contractors poking and prodding – the deal fell through. Truth be known – I was actually quite relieved.
A solid back-up offer was in place though uncertain. I entered a period of patiently waiting for the last two weeks as I lay in bed with the flu and the lives of the potential buyers unfolded in their own unexpected way. I simply let go.
Here are some wise and unexpected words those around me spoke to me as I was in the midst of it all that made me laugh – sometimes a bit hysterically. Cry. Stop. Take a deep breath. Keep going.
“I never trust any transition that is too smooth.”
“This IS the nature of change.” Yeah but!
“Isn’t life a miraculous wonder?’
Over these past many weeks I’ve been making hard choices. Becoming more aligned to what’s really important to me. More closely and intimately aligned to my authentic and true values. Less concerned with others opinions or ideas.
I have been facing lots of not so pleasant or pretty inner depths as I make deliberate choices about what to carry with me into this new life and what to let go of.
I’ve been reminded again – that change is uncomfortable – even if you are very good at it.
That leaving things behind is not always simple and neat.
That grief is part of letting go – no matter how exciting and delicious what you are moving toward is.
That unfinished business simply needs to be finished.
That some things are easier to do than I thought and some things waaay harder.
That life, my perception of it and the energy of everything can shift faster than I can blink my eyes.
That my deepest knowing and intuition is wise beyond measure. On some level I always know what is so, what is the right next step and what is needed in this moment. In essence that I can truly and utterly trust myself and Life.
In this moment I find myself just a tad wiser and even more keenly committed to surrendering… to the entire glorious, messy, beautiful, crazy, magical and infinitely intelligent experience of this one amazing life that is mine to live into.
I know there is way more to unpack, much deeper levels of understanding to assimilate about this leap I am in the midst of. I am confident that all will be revealed in perfect and delicious right timing as the flow of Life continues to carry me toward the beautiful mystery of the unknown. Just as it does for each of us.
P.S. In just the last hour as I have been writing this, dear one – I entered into a contract to transfer my magical and sacred refuge to buyers who are beyond delighted to become the next stewards. I AM indeed moving.