Struggle and Surrender

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There is a day each autumn when the trees simply let go.

Seemingly… All at once.

There is a continuous shower of faint dry crispy sounds as the leaves fall. The gentle breeze caresses the air and the leaves begin their descent. Sailing through the air.

Floating to the surface of the Earth.

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Coming to rest.

In pools of water.

On grass.

Bare dirt.

My head.

Tricking creeks.

Lodged in bushes, the nooks and crannies of trees.

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They start.

And then they stop.

Sheets of magnificence. Of surrender. Of release.

Preparation for the quiet of winter. The pulling in. The restoration.

Autumn is a time of release.  Of letting go.

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Often this time of year I find myself struggling. Resisting. Pushing against. Bewildered.

Bullheaded.

Stubbornly refusing to cease following a path I have set upon.  Even as life calls me to stop. Let go.

Get very quiet.

To step into the unknown. Into the darkness and wait. Listen carefully.

To trust that there is something new that is beyond my vision, my past experience. Waiting to inform me.

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Struggling is painful. It hurts.

Old fictitious stories of doubt. Death. Destruction. Nonstop calamity. They come and sit on my bed.

They greet me in doorways. They haunt my private moments. Stir my dreams. They endeavour to spoil my joy.

They whisper quietly under the surface of awareness.

Alternately… I push back. I fight.

I reason with them. I get stern and rise above. I collapse. Avoid.

And start again.

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None of that works.

I pray for release.

I walk the park.

I ask the trees to show me how they let go with such ease. I sit under them. Lean against them.

I ask for grace. My prayers seemingly go unheard as I continue to inwardly, stubbornly struggle against. There are brief moments of relief. Still a deep and heavy holding inhabits my body. My belly. My heart.

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A day arrives when I am called outside as the sky faintly begins to lighten. I go. I walk the park.

I begin to notice that each tree has its own perfect timing of letting go.

Some are completely bare, others a combination of green, yellow, red and gold.

Some a single note of brilliant light and glory.

I marvel at the seeds of new growth ready to whirl and fly – sitting on otherwise bare branches.

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And then I realize that today is THAT day….

The leaves simply start to shower down on all sides of me.

The air is quiet. The faintest stirring against my cheek.

And yet… the trees are surrendering. Letting go. Allowing a profound falling away. No thought of what next. No effort. No push.

The sound fills the air. Like gentle rain. A kiss. A sweetness.

A miracle.

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Tears of gratitude fill my eyes and run unchecked down my cheeks.

My entire body unwinds. Struggling stops.

I unite with the trees. Surrender is upon me. I greet it with immense relief and profound gratitude.

Rest is here.

The deep churning inside has moved me once again to a new landscape. Inside and out.

My willingness to trust has been restored. The trees my wise teachers. The Natural world the touchstone to truth. To the natural flow of life. Reminding me.

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I am ready to face the barrenness of Winter.

I am ready once again to face the unknown.

Stripped away. Stripped down, like the trees. My beautiful flaws revealed.

Relaxed.

Open.

Tender.

Quiet.

Grateful.

Ready.


 

IMG_7209 copyMelani Marx is a guidess, mentor, teacher, healer, entrepreneur and joyful creative being. She is the author of the Daily Essence Divination Deck and the creator of the Every Day Joy e-course. Melani reflects back to folks the Essence of who they truly are. She supports them in finding clarity and living their deepest, most joyful and abundant Soul-aligned Purpose right here, in 3-D, on our beautiful planet – Earth.

All photo credits: Melani Marx

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