A few nights ago I was having dinner with a new friend. As we were talking and getting to know each other, I asked her the question everyone always asks.
I asked her what she did.
Here is what she said.
“I row. I skull a LOT! I love to skull. I garden. I walk. I do a TON of art. I spend time with my husband. I go to movies. I cook. ”
I was stunned by her answer. I mean, I know she works.
Then she went on to explain that in Holland, where she had visited a number of years ago, they never tell you what they do for a living. Never. It’s not how they define themselves. It’s just not that important to them.
Next she told me that she was a web designer, just to satisfy my American curiosity.
This conversation really set me back on my heels.
When was the last time you heard anyone answer the question, “What do you do?” with anything but an answer about work, productivity, business or school?
I loved this conversation I was having with my new friend. She is so alive and full of joy. She has a wonderful and life-affirming perspective about what is most important to her. She’s funny and honest. She laughs…a LOT!
I’ve been thinking about our conversation ever since.
What if we stopped defining ourselves by our work, lack of, or aspirations to?
What if the value and import of who we are and what we do was about more than just what we do to pay our bills, about commerce and work?
Really?
What if we led with what we love?
What if we viewed our work as something that supports the rest of our life, rather than the other way around? Even if we do work we love?
I’ve been forming my own answer to, “What do you do?”
Here’s what I’ve decided I’ll say next time I get asked.
“I take pictures with my camera.
I soak up the world with every single fiber of my being.
I write.
I walk.
I find beauty everywhere I turn.
I notice.
I love to learn. I usually learn something new and exciting every day.
I love to eat. So…
I cook.
I give myself permission to play.
I make mistakes. Lots, it’s part of that learning thing I do.
I practice presence.
I go to the movies.
I look for everyday magic.
I grow and transform…it’s one of my most favorite things I do.
I use my hands.
I hold other people’s hands.
I laugh.
I explore new places.
I sing.
I read.
I dance. Sometimes I skip.
I talk on the phone. All the time!
I look for kindness and the silver lining.
I feel my feelings.
I make greeting cards.
I trust.
I spend time with myself.
I spend time with my friends and family.
I love with all my heart.
How about you?
What do you want people to know about you?
Please, please tell me!
What do you do?
I’d love to know.
Photo credits: Melani Marx
{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
Brilliant idea.
I find facts. I like learning and being awed. I love seeing the light of hope and curiosity in people’s eyes. I listen. I understand. I love being outside when it’s twilight. I work magic on the computer. I confront people with truth. I stretch my own and others’ comfort zone. I capture my life in pictures. I adore my family. I enrich my life with right brain activities. I notice small things when in nature. Books are a magnet for me.
Susan, I love knowing this about you! Thank you so much for sharing!
LOVE it all!
as usual! THe images are just breath taking. Thank you for sharing.. and getting me thinking… I was asked by a guy not that long ago ‘why do I never see you out. what do you do for fun?” He was referring to out, in town at the bars.. gosh no. and I had to take a minute and think.. there are soo many things I do for fun, and no I do not go to bars for that.. I too love to be outdoors usually with my amazing dog, hiking, snowshoeing, sking, and always always with a camera strapped to me. I too love to look and see and document the beauty of the world, the earth, the people and the events I witness. These are just a few that come to mind after reading your peice and seeing your beautiful photos. I also LOVE to travel and spending time with amazing people, usually women these days, and doing healing transforming and creative work.. I love to use CCT in all its forms for myself and with others.. I also love being present in the moment and enjoying the quiet slow pace of the peacefulness spending time with my one and only grandmother. I am learning and growing everyday. and I am sooo grateful for the amazing teachers, mentors and friends that have come into my life. YOU are one of them. so thank you!! xoxo Hugs <3
Thanks, Clea!
I like that you bring up that one persons idea of fun might not be another.
I especially love this,
“I also love being present in the moment and enjoying the quiet slow pace of the peacefulness spending time with my one and only grandmother.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, for sharing what you do!
And the beauty of who you are!
This is amazing and setting me back on my heels, too! this post just opened a whole new world for me…so simple, so profound. Thank you AND your new friend!
Oh, I love it when that happens! Thanks, Deb!
Thanks for a new way of looking at things Melanie! It is so true, that when my kids were little and someone would ask me what I did, I always felt affronted that it wasn’t obvious that I was first and foremost, a Mother!
Now that they are grown and gone, I can also add gardener, cook, artist, lover, caregiver, friend, ardent reader, beach walker and traveler to my list!
Thank you, Kristin for sharing what you do! We are so much more than what we “do”!
Melanie – this was such a great post. I loved it. Starting my own list asap. And I have to say your photography is stunning. Great to get to know you a little better! Jane
Thanks, Jane! Please share your list with me when you do it. I would be delighted to get to know more about you too!
I don’t define myself by what I do for a living, but what I do for a living is also what I do all the time…with or without clients!
I read energy.
I commune with my guides and nature spirits.
I commune with the horses.
I play in nature, with nature.
I listen deeply and compassionately.
I develop and grow in my understanding of the nature of me and the Universe.
I revere life.
I hold the Divine in the stillness of my heart.
Love this gia, especially with our without clients. Thanks for sharing!
I was just thinking about this on Monday when a client and I were talking about how much she hates that question, “What do you do?” I almost went to the exact same thing you wrote about! I think it’s time to redefine what that question means to more fully answer the deeper question of “Who are you really?” Thanks Melani!
Oh, Theresa! Let’s start a revolution! Ready?
Someone recently wrote a post about asking, “What do you love to do?” instead of “what do you do?” I think it’s brilliant — thank you so much for sharing this gorgeous post.
XO.
Love this!
This summer, I am learning to play. : )
Thanks for sharing!!
xo,
JV
Thanks, Jennifer! Me too…playing a LOT! At everything!
I live accidentally on purpose
LOL…that’s delightful, Tia! And familiar!
I’m going to get back to you on what I do but just wanted to tell you as quick as possible that this is the most wonderful newsletter – thank you for sharing this, sending this and gracing us with your beautiful photography.
I am going to play this forward and send to my friends and ask for the same response. Your timing in my journey is so right on – uncannily so.
May the laughter goddess sprinkle you with joy today for you are a total light of joy for those you touch -
big hugs – Susan
Oh Melani — I love this conversation! And the question — “What if we led with what we love?” — awesome. Simply brilliant.
And I would add an additional element to consider — what do we love and why do we love that?
I love leading from within because when I do, I feel empowered!
I love to learn because it allows me to integrate this new knowledge and gain perspective.
I love patterns because when I see them, things click into place and there is meaning.
I love to hold space for others because I can feel a deep connection to them and to everything.
I love that you’d love to know what I do because it makes me feel more connected to you!
Big hugs and thanks for the insight and new perspective!
I love your question Lisa! And your answer. The thing I love most about this kind of answer and this conversation is that it cracks the door open on our public personas that we hide behind. So reday to see everyone and be seen! Big hugs back!
I love this! It has sparked all kinds of ideas and stirrings inside.
I joke, I run, I cycle, I cook, I read, I road book stores even though I have an ipad and kindle, I travel to witness new things, I question, I inspire, I am.
Thanks MM!
XO
S
You are so welcome, Susan! Thanks for sharing what you do! xo
I love that question…I have fun….I see out of the box possibilities for myself and others…I connect with people, animals and nature…I research what I want to learn and synthesize quickly, applying it to my life….I soar in divine presence and in the mountain meadows…I wander downtown Ashland with love and appreciation in my heart….I jump for joy having a new dog who wiggles all over and gives me tiny kisses….I pray that very soon everyone will feel as consciously free and happy as all of us who are posting here as reflections of each other. I love Melanie…thank you for loving me.
I love you too Cindy and i LOVE your response. And I join you in that prayer! What a world! Thanks!
Thanks.. This is a beautiful post, Melanie and a wonderful way to think about life. So, thanks to you, I will think about it!
Thank you Vicky! I look forward to knowing what you do! I hope you share it with us.
Melani- Cool idea! I love to respond when I feel like its about having fun-not being judged about form and content. I love to feel the sun on my skin. I love to move; to walk, to rock climb, to hike, to ski, to dance, to run, to exercise and more. I love to go to the studio and paint and hang out with my friends. I love being with my daughter. I try to live every day with less fear. I love to grow and tell new stories. I wake up every morning excited about eating breakfast. I love to heal. I love body work, sex and hot water. I like to do and not plan. I love to be outside and talk to the nature spirits. I love to look at things. I love having unplanned time. I love to give my friends hugs and hand rubs. I love my husband most of the time. I love the store when its a crazy 3-d puzzle that I am playing in. I love learning. Wow, I love alot of things! I could keep going on! Melani- Thank you for being in my life!!!!
Thank you for sharing what you love and do, Kim! I love reading what you wrote! I love that you are in my life! I love that you replied to my blog post!
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